


The 'Fuck You' Bouquet

by motherfruckerdude



Series: Shameless Lauki [2]
Category: Purple Hyacinth (Webcomic)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Flower Shop, Crush at First Sight, Dorks in Love, F/M, Idiots in Love, Language of Flowers, Love at First Sight, Made For Each Other, One Shot, Short & Sweet, assaulted with flowers, eph or soph someone please just give us farmer!kiki, florist!kiki, i wrote this instead of doing homework, lauren beats someone with a bouquet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:41:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23794789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/motherfruckerdude/pseuds/motherfruckerdude
Summary: Ep. 1 BasedEverything is the same but Kieran is a florist.Also they love each other.
Relationships: Lauren & Kieran, Lauren Sinclair & Kieran White, Lauren Sinclair/Kieran White, Lauren/Kieran
Series: Shameless Lauki [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1695013
Comments: 10
Kudos: 123





	The 'Fuck You' Bouquet

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to @k.aylee_s
> 
> Mild Language

Kieran White had seen a lot in his life as a florist. 

This, however, was certainly something else.

A woman with a shock of red hair and stormy golden eyes had stomped into his place of business, a look of fury on her face that had sent a crowd of high school students running out the door. Ah, there goes all his customers. She made her way up to his register and slapped a twenty down onto the counter in front of him.

“How does one say ‘fuck you’ in flower?” The woman had demanded, hands clenched into fists.

“Well, that depends. Who are you giving the arrangement to and why?” Kieran had asked after raising an eyebrow.

After a moment of tense eye contact, the woman had huffed and replied, “You see that brainless waste of space outside your shop,” she pointed a slender finger at a handsome man with light hair wandering around aimlessly, “I was on a date with him at the café next door. He lied to me every time he opened his mouth. Not only is he cheating on his wife, but he’s completely abandoned his company, he made up stories about how ‘heroic’ he is, and he insulted my job to my face! I’m trying really hard to be polite, but I’m so sick of going on dates I never want to be on in the first place.” She ranted frustratedly. The woman was clearly fed up, and Kieran thought it was hilarious.

“Well Miss, it seems you’re in luck. I have just what you need,” The florist replied, grin on his face as he chuckled. He walked to some of the displays and picked up a few flowers before returning to the counter, “Alrighty! Here we have Tiger Lily, which means hatred. We also have Orange Petunias, for resentment, and Buttercups. Buttercups are for childishness. Throw in a Yellow Geranium or two for stupidity, and finally some Baby’s Breath! Baby’s Breath is just a bit of filler.” Kieran rambled, explaining everything while he put together the bouquet. 

“You’re certainly enthusiastic about flowers.” Lauren commented.

“I am a florist, after all.” The man jested as he continued to work.

“Yes, but plenty of people have jobs they aren’t so excited over.” The officer pointed out.

“That’s true. What about you, darling, do you enjoy what you do?” Kieran inquired.

“Definitely. It can be hard, but it’s certainly rewarding.” She smiled at the thought of all the people she’d helped.

“What about your date? Anything rewarding about that experience?” The florist asked as he began finishing up. 

“Ugh, no. Nothing about any of this was good at all.” The woman groaned out as she leaned up against the counter.

“Aw, mon amour, you seem to be forgetting that you met me because of that horrid date. I think that’s pretty rewarding.” He flirted easily, finishing up his work and sending her a quick wink.

With a smirk to the pretty woman in front of him, he handed the bouquet off with a flourish. Aureate eyes locked onto his cerulean ones for a moment as she reached to hold the flowers, her hand on his. They stilled for an instant, a gentle smile delicate on her face, soft smirk on his own. In those few seconds, something happened. Neither Kieran nor Lauren could tell what it was exactly, but something shifted.

The moment was broken with a crash, one similar to the one that had announced the red-headed beaut. Their heads snapped over to identify the source of the noise, eyes locking onto the fuming form of Lauren’s date. Kieran’s smirk grew as fast as Lauren’s smile dropped. 

“What are you doing, Mr. Evans? You’re making a scene.” Lauren said dryly.

“Oh, I’m the one making a scene?! You just came in here to flirt with this pretty boy over here, huh? What a whore, I should’ve known you’d act like this. Wasting my fucking time. Come on, we’re leaving.” The blond man snarled, hand locking around the police officer’s wrist. 

Kieran once again raised an eyebrow, arms crossed in front of his chest as he observed the man’s rude behavior. He looked toward the woman he’d been serving to see what she’d do. The florist witnessed her eyes narrow threateningly as she planted her feet and glared up at the man. 

“You’re right,” the woman twisted her wrist around and grabbed his, “Now stop wasting time on me,” she broke his grip and twisted his arm up into the air, “Use that precious time to actually help your company. Or spend some more of your time with your wife, hm? Poor woman, married to a cheating bastard like you,” Lauren finally released his arm and savored the look of shock on his face, “But you know, even though you’re such a human disgrace, I’ve still dedicated my life to protecting ungrateful cowards like you. Now,” the officer switched the bouquet into her right hand, “I was going to do this politely, but you called me a whore, so I’m going to sum up what this bouquet was meant to say for me,” she snatched his wrist and yanked him closer as she punched him in the face with the poor flower arrangement, “Fuck you, Mr. Evans.” The man stumbled out the door with a curse.

The florist whistled, eyes following the blond sulking down the sidewalk. Kieran’s eyes drifted back to the woman in front of him. She was frowning, an angry blush blanketed her face. Her fists were balled up at her sides and shaking. 

“That was badass. You okay?” He asked concisely, foot tap tap tapping on the floor.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry about that, by the way. Completely wasted the flowers.” She sighed, turning to the florist with a smile while pushing her hair out of her face.

“I dunno, seemed like a pretty good use of a ‘fuck you’ bouquet.” The florist assured her, Relieved at the little smile she gave up.

“My name’s Lauren Sinclair. I’m a police officer.” Lauren introduced while offering a hand to the florist.

“Kieran White. Florist.” He shook her hand twice before bringing it to his lips. Kieran placed a chaste kiss to her hand whilst maintaining eye contact. He savored her soft blush and flustered expression.

“Why don’t you tell me more about the flowers here?” She suggested swiftly.

They made their way around the shop, flower facts and teasing comments thrown around easily. After a half hour the sun began to set. As warm colored rays floated through the shop, Lauren sat atop the counter and Kieran leaned against it beside her. The conversation had drifted off a few minutes ago and they sat watching the sun set in silence.

“Kieran?” 

“Yes, darling?”

“What kind of flower do you think I’d be?”

“Hmm. A geranium.”

“Tsk, if I’m a geranium then you’re a buttercup.”

“How dare you! I’m deeply offended.”

“That’s not my problem.”

“Fine, fine. You’d probably be a Dahlia.”

“What’s that one, again? It better not be stupid.”

“Nope! It means elegance and dignity.”

“...You’d be a purple hyacinth.”

“I think you got the colors mixed up again, mon amour.”

“Or maybe you just told me the meanings wrong.”

“Oh yeah, because that’s likely.”

“Fine. You’d be a pink hyacinth. That’s playfulness, right?”

“Yup. Fast learner, huh?”

“Yeah, I’m very smart.”

“I changed my mind. You’d be Amaryllis.”

“Hey! Doesn’t that mean pride?”

“Yup.”

“You know I have a gun, right?”


End file.
